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i'm one step away from the edge

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How to make 18k with a Rabbit and a Webpage [18 Mar 2005|10:29am]
Everybody read this and learn...

www.savetoby.com
3 DNA samples II reach out and touch me

[23 Feb 2005|09:54am]
[ mood | productive ]

it's a beautiful thing...
being in love.
feeling confident.
striving for success.
living life to it's fullest.

words cannot describe the way i feel.
and to know..this is how it will be for the rest of my life.

in love.
perfection.




[my journal was feeling neglected. hello to all my loves!]

9 DNA samples II reach out and touch me

[19 Dec 2004|08:29pm]
Reason #878978 why i'm glad we are moving:
my car got broken into today. At 3pm. WHO DOES THAT?! they took my camera and about $150 in cash. :/


but on a happy note....chris and i both got C's in Solar Astronomy, a class we attended the first three weeks of, and took 4 out of the 5 tests.
that is all.
WAIT did i mention we took those tests WITHOUT studying?
2 DNA samples II reach out and touch me

[09 Dec 2004|11:41am]
I just wanted to thank everyone that came out to Chris's birthday dinner. I had a great time!! It was really nice to see Miss Bryann..and of course JENESSA [sorry you got lost] DANIELLIE- we missed you :/ hopefully we'll hang out soon.

too bad the farris wheel turned off...
5 DNA samples II reach out and touch me

[06 Dec 2004|02:58pm]
HERE I AM! remember me?
14 DNA samples II reach out and touch me

you are my only one [09 May 2004|08:31pm]

I don't believe in perfection in the sense that somebody could be without flaws, but i have found that you can find your own perfection, your own match. When you can truely accept a person for who they are, when you can love their flaws and find beauty in everything about them, that is where the perfection lies. They have become perfect to you. You don't enter the relationship thinking you can change them, you take on the endevor knowing that this is what you live for, and what you can't live without.



I was thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly alignedCollapse )
12 DNA samples II reach out and touch me

I don't know how else to say it.. [21 Apr 2004|10:48am]
maybe it's meant to be, but not right now.
16 DNA samples II reach out and touch me

If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. [20 Apr 2004|01:33pm]
...

i am the flower. so fuck you. HAH.


:)
3 DNA samples II reach out and touch me

[19 Mar 2004|01:12pm]
i love my boyfriend :)
he's so cute.
4 DNA samples II reach out and touch me

this house it not a home [27 Feb 2004|07:18pm]
it absolutely amazes me how the people that say they love you the most
can find any justice in ripping you apart..


tweleve minutes from letting this all go.



miss me?
3 DNA samples II reach out and touch me

[18 Feb 2004|09:30am]

Dory died yesterday.
i feel like absolute shit.
she was one of the sweetest old women i know.
even on the days i felt like nothing could stop me from breaking down and crying, just seeing her would put a smile on my face.
she was so full of life.
...now im sitting here staring at brian's book...
and i just dont have the heart to erase any of her appointments.
i guess there is part of me that believes it's all a lie
and that next wednesday at 3pm she'll walk through the door and ask for her 'vodka' just like she always does.

it just seems so unfair to me, that this world is full of morons and assholes that deserve nothing more than to be removed from our gene pool and someone so genuinely wonderful is given the boot instead.


i can tell this week is only going to go downhill from this point forward.


i am a complete mess.
17 DNA samples II reach out and touch me

[08 Feb 2004|02:07pm]
[ mood | sad ]

can somebody please explain to me why i've been handed this unrelenting ability to fuck up time and time again.

im so sorry danielle.
im sorry about last night.
about being a bad friend.
about every horrible thing i've ever done.


sometimes i hate myself so much.

7 DNA samples II reach out and touch me

[18 Jan 2004|10:43pm]
[ mood | working ]

Nature or nurture? It’s intriguing, really.

Who we will become.

Was it who we are destined to be? Or is it a result of our environment and the choices we make?

you are not the person you will become

From the color of your hair to the amount of space between your eyes, it is undoubtable that many aspects of you are due to genetics. But when it comes down to our core, to our inner self and soul, I believe that the essence of who we are is involuntarily due to the people we surround ourselves with.

I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve caught myself ‘sounding’ like someone I am close with.

‘Da-da-da-DANGER’ Did you honestly think I came up with that one by myself?

But there is more to it then the things we say and do. There are the emotions we feel, the inner workings that make us tick. There are our reactions to different situations, as well as the way we handle ourselves in different scenes.
Who we are is not a simple thing, nor is the concept of how we've become just that.

Sometimes I wonder if the emotions I feel are real. The nature side of me would say yes, yes they are. The neuro transmitters in your brain allow the amygdala to send signals to your frontal cortex relaying the emotions you have created. What is scary to me is that they have drugs to stop these feelings. Depression occurs in over 30 percent of the population, and it is all due overactive amygdala’s, In order to subside these overwhelming emotions, Zoloft was produced. Zoloft blocks the neuro transmitters from sending the information to your frontal cortex, therefore you’re still creating these emotions, you just cant feel them.

The nurture side of me says otherwise. Sure our body can create and relate to different emotions, but emotion is a self taught thing. One who is not loved cannot learn to love. One who knows nothing of hate cannot feel hate. If i was born in a box and lived in a box my entire life without any form of contact with the outside world, how and what would i feel?
If no one had ever helped me to experience the feelings i know, good and bad, I doubt i would ever be able to grasp the concept of what they are. Words are just words until they hold some sort of meaning to you.
"and everyone just said BAWGH"
bawgh do you get it? Probably not. there is no meaning to you, hence, you dont understand. MY POINT.


So i sat down to write a simple entry about how much i care about and appreciate three certain people in my life, and it has turned into some sort of essay.

Let me re-line up my thoughts.

Who we are and who we are going to become is an indirect result of the people we surround ourselves with.
Friends come and go. It's a beautiful thing, really. You get to experience life with a person, you get to experience pain with a person, sometimes you might get love too, and then you move on to someone new. And it's in the pain that beauty is found, because with each new conquest you take on, you gain something new. From every path you cross you'll come across something that violates your mind. You'll slowly piece together the person you are to become.

If we all walked a silent path, one with out crossroads, one without warning signs, potholes to fall in, or captivating distractions. If we walked a straight path, what would become of us? Who would we become? What is there to learn on a blank sheet of paper?


In reality, i don't know. I dont know what causes us to do the things we do, to think the things we think, to become the person we're going to become.
But i know one thing, and thats that there are three people in my life that i have found some sort of connection with. Although we've had our ups and downs, we've had our moments of silence, our struggles with anger and frusteration, with confusion and doubt, these are the people i will drag down the damn path with me whether they like it or not. They are the people i look up to, the people i respect, the ones i go to when i am down, the ones who always find a way to pick me up. They are the better part of me, they are my reason for smiling, my reason for breathing. If i take anything from this path through life, i want to keep the memories of my time with them.
They say we should never look back,
but for these three i would make a 360 without the blink of an eye.

Somewhere deep in the middle of the night Lovers hold each other tight Whisper in their anxious ears Words of love that disappearCollapse )
2 DNA samples II reach out and touch me

[05 Jan 2004|10:39am]
[ mood | awake ]

A day is never an eventful day until...



i have food poisoning, i cant come into work todayCollapse )
15 DNA samples II reach out and touch me

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