Who we will become.
Was it who we are destined to be? Or is it a result of our environment and the choices we make?
you are not the person you will become
From the color of your hair to the amount of space between your eyes, it is undoubtable that many aspects of you are due to genetics. But when it comes down to our core, to our inner self and soul, I believe that the essence of who we are is involuntarily due to the people we surround ourselves with.
I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve caught myself ‘sounding’ like someone I am close with.
‘Da-da-da-DANGER’ Did you honestly think I came up with that one by myself?
But there is more to it then the things we say and do. There are the emotions we feel, the inner workings that make us tick. There are our reactions to different situations, as well as the way we handle ourselves in different scenes.
Who we are is not a simple thing, nor is the concept of how we've become just that.
Sometimes I wonder if the emotions I feel are real. The nature side of me would say yes, yes they are. The neuro transmitters in your brain allow the amygdala to send signals to your frontal cortex relaying the emotions you have created. What is scary to me is that they have drugs to stop these feelings. Depression occurs in over 30 percent of the population, and it is all due overactive amygdala’s, In order to subside these overwhelming emotions, Zoloft was produced. Zoloft blocks the neuro transmitters from sending the information to your frontal cortex, therefore you’re still creating these emotions, you just cant feel them.
The nurture side of me says otherwise. Sure our body can create and relate to different emotions, but emotion is a self taught thing. One who is not loved cannot learn to love. One who knows nothing of hate cannot feel hate. If i was born in a box and lived in a box my entire life without any form of contact with the outside world, how and what would i feel?
If no one had ever helped me to experience the feelings i know, good and bad, I doubt i would ever be able to grasp the concept of what they are. Words are just words until they hold some sort of meaning to you.
"and everyone just said BAWGH"
bawgh do you get it? Probably not. there is no meaning to you, hence, you dont understand. MY POINT.
So i sat down to write a simple entry about how much i care about and appreciate three certain people in my life, and it has turned into some sort of essay.
Let me re-line up my thoughts.
Who we are and who we are going to become is an indirect result of the people we surround ourselves with.
Friends come and go. It's a beautiful thing, really. You get to experience life with a person, you get to experience pain with a person, sometimes you might get love too, and then you move on to someone new. And it's in the pain that beauty is found, because with each new conquest you take on, you gain something new. From every path you cross you'll come across something that violates your mind. You'll slowly piece together the person you are to become.
If we all walked a silent path, one with out crossroads, one without warning signs, potholes to fall in, or captivating distractions. If we walked a straight path, what would become of us? Who would we become? What is there to learn on a blank sheet of paper?
In reality, i don't know. I dont know what causes us to do the things we do, to think the things we think, to become the person we're going to become.
But i know one thing, and thats that there are three people in my life that i have found some sort of connection with. Although we've had our ups and downs, we've had our moments of silence, our struggles with anger and frusteration, with confusion and doubt, these are the people i will drag down the damn path with me whether they like it or not. They are the people i look up to, the people i respect, the ones i go to when i am down, the ones who always find a way to pick me up. They are the better part of me, they are my reason for smiling, my reason for breathing. If i take anything from this path through life, i want to keep the memories of my time with them.
They say we should never look back,
but for these three i would make a 360 without the blink of an eye.
Jenessa Marie LeDeit. Four years, twelve piercings, and two tattoos later. It has all been one giant mess from the start. We've lived the whole 'she loves me, she loves me not' type fantasy with all the sugar coating and rough edges surrounding us. But like it or not, or friendship time and time again prevails. We share some sort of dark connection. You know me better than anyone else, sometimes i think you know me better than i know myself. You know the way i work, you can tell me what im going to do before i do it, but what scares me even more is the disturbing fact that you actually understand me. You are my backbone, you help hold me up when i am falling, you give me the support i need to make it through each day. I adore you and hate you at the same time.
Danielle Dene Prado. A picture can say a thousand words. According to my statistics, we've said about 9912374029137840123784088329743 words. From once a week, to 12 hours a day we have become closer and closer. I told myself i wouldnt like you, i mean, you were after all friends with MY best friend. But your 'i wont take your shit nature' mixed with a little of the 'damn lauren, let ME organize your room.' made our friendship irresistable, and undeniable. Words cannot explain how much i appreciate you and everything you do for me. I look forward to everything we do together, even if there is only a five minute interval between that and getting some sort of sleep. You are my mind. You help me to think and see things clearly. You control most of my movements [thats right bitch, LET GO OF MY ARM!] and at the same time, you make sure my heart doesnt get the best of me. Without you, i'd most likely be locked up in a room with padded walls. You keep me sane, and i love you for it.
Christopher Michael McNulty. I could say you're just the boy next door, that you're nothing to me. Just an image of my past that once in a while crosses my mind. You'd know i was lying.
Even when things get rough, when we're not speaking, when we dig ourselves these graves that we often find ourselves doing, when we are at the end of our line, when we are grasping onto the last strand of whatever it is that holds us together...there is no end. No matter how much you dislike hearing it, the connection between us will overcome everything. I am so lucky to have you in my life and to be able to call you my friend. Even your pointless phonecalls "You should get an LG cellphone..ha..ha..." make me smile more than you can imagine. You are a beatufiul person inside and out, and it simply amazes me that we have come so far. You are my heart. You have taken the stubborn and cold person i was, and melted me into someone i'm scared to become. You have taught me to understand something that redefines emotion. I need you so i can feel.